I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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