If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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