So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
