There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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