Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
