I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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