Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
