Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
