there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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