THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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