So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
