i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
