Hey man sorry I got all grabby
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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