your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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