Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
