just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
