we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
