; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
