ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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