There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
