so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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