Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
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She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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