i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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