Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
