I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
i think i just lost a toe
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
