The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
