my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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