It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
