Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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