he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
