Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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