im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
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Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
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I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
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