We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
