I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
