guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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