Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
