I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
