Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
