This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
