the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
