I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
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