Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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