That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
