i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
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Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
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Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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