He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
