last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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