mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
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