there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
