Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
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it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
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I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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