she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
