I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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