Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize