i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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