is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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