Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
