Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
