wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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