why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
