i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
