Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
