I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
