Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
