Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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