This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
