I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize