i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
