Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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