I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
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he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
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Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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