1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Where is the hickey?
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
