i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
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