Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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