Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
