If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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