I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
