I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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