Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
