i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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