he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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