My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
