i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
