what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
