Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
