You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
