I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
