According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
