can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize