Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
