At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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