Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
