i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
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