Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
