I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I need to sanitize my soul.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
