Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
