I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I accidentally burped into my bong.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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